It’s been a minute since I have gone on a thigh gap diatribe (Rant One and Rant Two). And I started to feel the itch to spew some skinny leg-hate. But then I was like, “Hold up homegirl, why don’t you share some thigh love instead?” So here we go.
I feel like sooner rather than later, thigh gaps will phase out and full, muscular thighs will become a thing. Hell, Megan Trainor has it right! If we can be all about that bass, we can be all about the thighs too!
Now let me be perfectly clear – I am NOT bashing anyone who has naturally thin thighs. This is to counteract all those posts about how to achieve an unnatural thigh gap. To combat the crazies. Today, we celebrate legs of all sizes!
Now who’s with me? Let’s love our thighs!
They hold up your body—These babies are like tree trunks. And tree trunks need to be solid like a rock to support the rest of the tree, right? Wait, I’m mixing up my analogies. And natural objects. You get my drift.
They help you power up those mountains—Trail running is not for the weak. You need some serious meat on those legs to get up and down those hills. Unless you’re an elite and built like a lithe cheetah. Which I am not.
They add shape—A woman’s body is meant to be curvy. You should have a thigh, a calf, and an ankle. Unless you have cankels, which is ok. Embrace it! Anyway, the thigh should be big!
They fill your shorts holes—We all agree that shorts have holes for your legs, yes? Good-sized thighs fill them! It’s like we learn in preschool – put the round leg into the round hole. Those shorts aren’t tight, you’re just doing it right!
They cheer for you—I’m totally stealing this from the meme, because it’s true. You have two loyal cheerleaders who follow your every move—be thankful for them! Chafing is just a small price to pay for that, quit yo’ whining.
They make bathing suit shopping an exciting scavenger hunt—Grabbing two pieces of a bikini in the exact same size? Piece of cake! Finding a matching top and bottom in drastically different sizes may not be simple, but oh how rewarding it feels when you hit the jackpot!
They are strong—Thighs, no matter their size, are strong as fuck. They’re like the Planet Fitness commercial—they pick things up and put them down. All day. Every day. They carry you for miles. They help you explore the world.
They help you with food storage—What do women always say? “This (insert food here) will go straight to my hips and thighs!” Um, your point is? That just leaves more room in your stomach for more food. And that’s awesome.
They make you look like an Olympic athlete—Have you seen the quads of an Olympic cyclist? Holy hell. Basically, the bigger the thigh, the closer you are to a gold medal.
They are fucking sexy—The hottest part of a woman’s body (besides her brain)? Thighs, hands-down.
So next time you look in a mirror and lament your thighs, try singing a different tune. Love them, thank them for all they do. And whatever you do, don’t be ashamed of them.