Until yesterday’s post about Sasha, I haven’t blogged in a minute for no other reason than good, old-fashioned laziness. The words float around my head but never land—they’re essentially a flock of annoying horseflies. Like the song Sail by Awolnation says, “Blame it on the ADD.”
But what better way to come out of a writing funk and sad mood than with a senseless Tanya Rant? You’ve all missed those, right? Right. And we all need a pissy party every now and then. Here goes.
Alpha Delta Pi Racist Shirt—This happened in Birmingham last week. And then this week, they announced this. So let’s dissect this from the beginning—can someone please explain to me how someone at Alpha Delta Pi used The Google to find an image of Alabama, “borrowed” it, and it just so happened to have a racist image on it? And then everyone was like, “Yep, looks good to us!” And no one at Samford thought to tell the racist girls, “Hey, cut that shit out.” And clerical error my ass! I bet the vendor got paid big bucks to take the fall for this. This story stinks to high heaven of designer perfume. Damn it, Alabama! Quit making it so fucking hard to defend you to the rest of the world! The entire Greek system just needs to vanish, please.
Anastasiadate.com—All of a sudden, my TV has been blowing up with Anastasiadate.com commercials. The first time I saw the commercial, I nervously giggled, thinking it was a joke. Then by the 100th time it aired, I wanted to punch the actors in the throat. “What will she look like this time?” Human. “What will she be doing?” Human stuff. Is buying mail-order brides a thing again? Or is this site the 2016 legal version of prostitution? Fellow Ukrainians and Russians, come on now! Have some self respect! You’re making the rest of us look bad! For shame. This Tatiana is one angry Eastern European.
Thigh gap jewelry—Loyal readers know how much I abhor thigh gaps. If not, you can catch up here and here. So it should come as no surprise that thigh gap jewelry would set me over the edge. What the actual fuck is this? I mean, really. It’s glittery jewelry to accentuate your lack of thigh meat. For the low, low price of $200, you can own a shiny jewelry penis that sways gently in the breeze that blows in the chasm of your thigh gap.
#A4waistchallenge—I thought I had seen everything with the aforementioned cavalcade of craziness. Then I stumbled upon the #A4 Waist Challenge. Read it. Absorb it. Did your brain just explode? Paper is for writing. Waists and hips are for storing food and baby-birthing. Not for hiding behind a stupid rectangle! If that’s not some fucked-up body image issue, then I don’t know what is. Sigh.
Tough Baby Names—I happened upon this article the other day (as a “You May Also Like,” not because I was searching for baby names). As I read it, my blood pressure slowly rose. How incredibly, disgustingly sexist is it to assume the name you pick for your child will determine their personality? Your son will be whoever the fuck he wants to be, whether you name him Jagger, or William, or Angel. And I’m not even going to touch on the fact that a boy has to be “tough.” I hope with all my heart that baby Axel turns into a fabulous, sweet, loving little boy. And his parents weep over the lost dreams of their leather-clad child who eats snails and pulls puppy dog tails.
Your turn—what has your panties in a bunch recently?